Power Exchange, Control & Human Rights

Recently on TV3 there was a debate between Laura Lee (Sex Worker activist) and a Lady from Rape Crisis Centre who was also a member of TORL.  The lady from the rape crisis centre was adamant that there was not an equal exchange of power between a sex worker and a client and therefore she was not able to give her full consent.  She also said that sex workers would not report the crime when they were raped, as they did not think people would believe them.  She believed that the client held all the cards and was in control of the sex worker, as he had paid for sexual services.

It is my intention to dispel this myth and shed light on the reality of the situation.  The majority of sex workers are not timid, scared little creatures that feel when they take the money from a client, they are handing over their body and giving consent for another human to do anything they want with it.  The body still belongs to the sex worker and the sex worker is the one saying what can and can not be done, within the time they are together.

I know that many people think the phrase 'time and companionship' is just a cover for what is really just about 'sex', but this is not true.  In fact I would say that today for most sex workers, time and companionship is exactly what they are offering and within that time they dictate what else can happen if they are happy with the person they are with.

So who does have all the cards and the upper hand or is it an equal exchange of power?

Let's look at it from the clients point of view first.  The client gets to look on a directory and choose who he wants to meet.  He then contacts that person.  Can he demand to see them, or does he have to ask them if they are available and able to see them?  Can he demand what time they meet and where they meet, or does he have to ask and perhaps negotiate depending on what is agreeable with the sex worker?

No he can not force a sex worker to meet him.  If the sex worker is like myself and Independent, she/he will be listening to his phone manner and deciding if they would be happy to meet him.  She/he would be listening to what he is saying and deciding if it is something she is comfortable with, or if he sounds like he has respect for sex workers.  After a short conversation it is the sex worker who will say if they are happy to take their business or not, not the client demanding to see them.

The majority of sex workers provide in calls only.  This means that the client needs to travel to them, so they are in an environment that they know and feel safe in.  The client may ask them to travel to his location, but this will often result in a refusal, unless the client can provide some kind of proof that they are known and safe to go to.  Most sex workers will have a network of friends within the business that they can call on to ask for advice on clients.  If a client can not provide information like this, it is rare that a sex worker would put herself at risk.  Alternatively they may ask for information on where they are staying (if a hotel) and check with the hotel that they are who they say they are.

So in both situations the sex worker is in control and the client is having to be compliant with their needs in order to secure the booking.  At this point, who do you think is in control?

Next we have the client who may want certain sexual services.  It is not a God given right or expectation that a client will be able to do what he likes to the sex worker in a sexual way.  She will have a list of activities that she will be comfortable to offer at her discretion, which means if she is not happy to do these things at the time of the booking, she is within her right to refuse.  Why might she do this?  It could be that she has had dental treatment and not willing to take the risk of providing oral without a condom, where she/he may normally do so.  It could be that the client refuses to take a shower and is not clean enough, so the sex worker is not happy for certain intimate acts, or it may be that the client is a smoker etc.  In all cases, the client will need to comply with the sex workers wishes in order to get the service that he is looking for and only the services that she is advertising.  If a client wants me to perform an act that I do not advertise, it will not happen and they need to respect that.

I have had clients phone me and ask me if I will do bareback sex with them.  For those that do not know, that means penetrative sex without a condom.  This is not something that I offer and the majority of sex workers do not offer this as a service.  I will of course say no and I have been offered as much as €1000 for an hour booking to do this.  For me you can not put a price on your health, so again the answer is no and I refuse to meet them or on these grounds accepting that they agree that we do not have sex without a condom, I also refuse oral without a condom, as I am not confident of their sexual practices and they become a higher risk to me.  These are my terms for a booking in this situation and he has to abide by them in order to see me.  If he deviates from these terms, then it is rape and in 6 years of work I have never been raped by a client.

So... what power does the client hold?  If they are agreed to be met by the sex worker and abide by the sex workers conditions he is able to pay for time, companionship and intimacy with a sex worker.  This is by mutual consent, as the sex worker is consenting with conditions.  The client is consenting to those conditions for payment.

Who has the power and control?  The sex worker, as it is the sex worker who lays down the conditions and has the power to agree or disagree to the requests of the client.  They dictate when, where and what will happen and for how much.

Is this the same for all sex workers?  Certainly yes for those that are Independent.  There are sex workers who work through an Agency and the Agency would have some input into when they work, where they work and what is advertised, however at the point when the client is with the sex worker, providing she is not trafficked against her will, she/he will be the one that says what she is happy to do or not do during the booking.  Yes I believe sometimes what is advertised is not always what is offered, as you often here of clients saying that the Escort would not kiss me, but it said on the services she did FK (french kissing) etc.  This could be because he had bad breath, or it could be that it is something written on behalf of the Escort on offer, where she is not comfortable to do it, but she is still within her right to refuse during the book and most would when working of their own free will.

Sex workers in Brothels, do they have the same power exchange?  If anything they have more.  Most brothels in Ireland are not brothels as you would understand them to be, but simply two sex workers working from the same apartment for safety.  The fact that there is another person on the premises means that should anything go wrong, should the client start making demands that the sex worker is not happy about, they can call for help and get the client removed from the premises.  This would likely give the sex worker more confidence to state what they are not compliant with and stay within their boundaries.

With this in mind and the knowledge that the majority of Sex Workers in Ireland and Northern Ireland who work of their own free will are not just having an equal exchange of power with the client, but are holding more power, is it fair or right to suggest that they don't have any control and therefore are not able to give their consent to selling sex?  Personally I find it condescending that someone would automatically assume that I have no other choices, or I must be an alcoholic or be taking drugs to be a sex worker.  I don't know anyone like that, although I'm sure they may be, as there will be in many walks of life, but we are an assortment of people from all different backgrounds and have entered into sex work for lots of different reasons, which is our choice and we are more than capable of giving our full consent, as adults and we should have the right to do so, without interference or judgment by others.

Currently in the South if a sex worker is attacked or raped they are able to contact the Police and report the crime, as it is not against the law to be a sex worker or to buy sex.  It might be that many do not report it, but some definitely do, as I know of a few.  However, in the North of Ireland where it is now a criminal offense to report a crime it is much less likely to be reported, as we need to protect our place of work and this is likely to be where the crime would have taken place.  This in itself is handing over power to people who would already be criminals and disrespecting another persons human rights and the right to say no!  This also means it is harder to detect those that need help and would not be giving their consent, but forced into prostitution.  This in itself takes away our power and control and it is this that will make life harder for those that otherwise had some support, even if not as it should be, as with the New Zealand law of decriminalization.

Article on Sex Workers Rights in New Zealand 

It is hard to believe that people that genuinely care of the welfare of sex workers would advocate a law that takes away their control, that makes their lives harder (alleging that we are all vulnerable) and takes away or reduces the life line that many choose to use to make a better life.

Article on how the Swedish Model on Prostitution Fails

One last point.  The reason why the majority of sex workers are female is not due to men wanting to control women or due to disrespect.  It's because due to nature and the nature of people, women have no problem procuring sex for free, so they don't pay.  Where as men often have to work hard to find a woman to have sex with him and often this is done through deception.  Is it not better to be honest and pay for sexual gratification with someone who has no further expectation than to hunt down women who are emotionally vulnerable in order to engage in sex?

For every man having sex there is a woman.  (Unless they are bi sexual or gay) which never seems to be an issue for anyone.  It is worth remembering that women do have sex out of marriage, or with strangers too, without being Sex Workers, they are just not paying! (Although some do too).  It is unfair to say that men are exploiting women, when many of them would love to get paid to do what we do, they just wouldn't make any money at it.

Food for thought!

Deception, Lies or Forgetful?

We keep getting told that the law is changing to protect the vulnerable.  We're told that it is not about making life harder for the sex worker, who in the eyes of the law is already a victim of rape, even if they do not yet know it themselves, but about reducing demand, therefore criminalising the buyer and decriminalising the sex worker.  Yet... that is not what the actual law change proposes.

Recently discussions were released by the House of the Oireachtas that goes as follows...

(link to page discussed - Discussion)

Minister for Justice and Equality (Deputy Frances Fitzgerald):

 On 27 November, I published the General Scheme of the Criminal Law (Sexual Offences) Bill. The General Scheme includes wide ranging provisions to enhance the protection of children and vulnerable persons from sexual abuse and exploitation. When enacted, the Bill will facilitate full compliance with the criminal law provisions of a number of EU, UN and Council of Europe legal instruments. The Bill will also implement the recommendations of a number of Oireachtas committees, reform the law on incest and update the Sex Offenders Act 2001. In addition, the Bill will provide for new offences of purchasing, in the context of prostitution, sexual services.

Please note there is no addition to show that prostitution has been decriminalized.  She continues to say...

The first is a general offence of purchasing sexual services which carries a penalty of a fine of up to €500 for a first offence and fines of up to €1000 for a second or subsequent offence. The second is the more serious offence of purchasing a sexual service from a trafficked person and carries a potential penalty of up to 5 years imprisonment and/or a fine. In both cases, the person selling the sexual service will not be subject to an offence.

The average sentence for rape in Ireland is between 5 to 7 years, which means that someone who sees sex workers for consensual sex could possibly see themselves serving the same time as another person who picked his victim and deliberately set out to violate and rape a woman.  How is this comparable?  How is this right?


In the last few years there have been several cases of pimps being prosecuted and imprisoned and even they have not served more than 2 years.  How come someone who deliberately sets out to coerce, manipulate and abuse women in their multiples for financial gain is likely/able to have a lesser sentence, than a person who purchases sex from a sex worker who is working of her/his own free will?  It is outrageous and totally unfair to those that are genuinely being raped, tortured and humiliated by those that do not care about consent and take what they want regardless.

A few days ago, I was lay after having a lovely time together with a very lovely disabled client of mine.  We started to talk about the proposed law in the South and the up and coming law in the North of Ireland.  His mood swiftly changed from happy and relaxed to dark and teary, as he recalled an event that took place some 20 years ago.

One evening while working out of the country with a few volunteer friends, they had been waiting for the bus to pick them up.  They had all had a few drinks apart from my friend and as the bus did not turn up, he offered to ferry them all to where they needed to go, but had to do it in stages, as there were more than a car full.  He was coming back to pick up the last person and while she was waiting, she had been attacked and raped.  She was in a mess, inconsolable.  They wanted to take her to the hospital, but she would not hear of it.  They wanted to take her to the Police station, but again, she would not hear of it, as she was so shook up, she just wanted to go home and be safe.

The look in her eyes, the way she was messed up and so utterly distressed has stayed with him all those 20 years, to the point that he can still see it clearly in his mind.  He asked me, 'How can anyone compare me to what that man did?  As he said this he looked at me and I couldn't help but feel heartbroken for him.

This man is one of the sweetest men you could ever wish to meet.  He has a great sense of humour (usually aimed at himself), he is gentle, he makes me want to cuddle him, because I know how hard his life is (not due to the disability), but because he dedicates his life to others.  There is something fucking wrong with this world, when a man like that is compared to a rapist, could be sentenced the same as a rapist.  We live in a sick world, that just seems to be getting sicker!

Sorry, I've gone off on a tangent, but I hope if nothing else, it shows you how passionate I feel about this and about my clients, who are NOT rapists!

Back to the issue at hand.  On April Fools day, it was published ~ click here for full information ~ that aspects of the current law are also being looked at for revision, but this does not include full decriminalisation of sex workers.

I have received submissions in relation to decriminalising persons selling sexual services from the solicitation offence under section 7 and these are receiving consideration within my Department.

Section 11 of the 1993 Act provides for offences relating to brothels. The offence applies to persons keeping or managing or assisting in the management of a brothel. It also applies to a tenant or landlord who knowingly permits the use of the leased/rented premises as a brothel. Section 11 is not directed at individual sellers of sexual services. I have no plans to repeal this section.

In essence it will still be illegal for two Independent sex workers to work together in the same premises for reasons of sanity and safety and they will still be prosecuted if caught working together.

This also means that if a landlord or tenant is made aware that a sex worker is working from their property and they do not move them on, they themselves are committing an offence and are obligated to remove that person (the sex worker) from the premises.  I ask you, how does this show sympathy or support for the sex worker, when in this situation they could be made homeless?

In this regard the law has not changed at all and the general public are being totally misled in two ways.  One they are being made to believe that it is currently illegal to work as a Sex Worker and two they are being led to believe that Sex Workers are at the front of this campaign, along with trafficked and it is our well being at heart, where the reality is, we are still being forced to work on our own, we will ultimately be forced to work underground and lose our contact with the guards, as we need to protect our working environment and anonymity in order to work discretely.  We can not afford to jeopardise our client base and lose clients to exposure and fines.

This also increases our vulnerability, so where Independent sex workers were able to work at least with the knowledge that should something happen they could reach out for help through the right channels and trust the law to help them with any crime committed against them, they simply can not do that without putting their work at risk and their clients.

I put it to you that both Lord Morrow and Frances Fitzgerald do not care a fig about trafficked people into the sex industry, as they are simply making them harder to find.  This is about making an example of people they do not morally approve of and moral judgements like these do not belong in political legislation.  These matters should belong between two people and if they give consent or not.  Laws are already in place to cover those that do not give consent, or are under age, but it seems not enough money, or resources were ever given to uphold these laws, so how on earth are they going to manage with this?

Isn't it about time that politician's were straight with the people that vote for them and call a spade a spade and stop twisting things to sound different to what they are?  Decriminalisation means that all sex workers can work without fear of being made a criminal, regardless of working alone, in pairs or for an Agency.  If that is not what you mean, then why say it?

Here are some reasons why de-criminalisation is the right thing to do ~ Article ~

And more reasons why Frances Fitzgerald, just isn't thinking straight ~ Wendy Lyons Blog ~

On a last note.  My clients are NOT rapists!  They have my full and very real consent to spend time with me and I offer my services gladly.  I am not the only sex worker who feels this way, I am not the minority, I am one of many who would like to continue working in a safe and secure environment, that does not just protect my well being, but those of my clients who do not deserve to be labelled as criminals, or have their world torn apart by public humiliation if discovered with me.  The stigma both ways is a killer and morally wrong.  Morally this is despicable and will help no one!

The first lives lost due to this will be on the hands of Lord Morrow and Frances Fitzgerald and no mistake.  I hope they are ready to live with themselves in that knowledge when the time comes and it will, as Ireland is not Sweden and it won't be able to take the shame or the stigma this law demands.

Sex Workers have no dignity, and sex workers working of their own free will, make it worse for those who don't want to be a sex worker!

Today I watched a debate televised on ITV as below.

In a nutshell, there was some some debate on the idea that sex workers, who worked by choice were responsible for trafficking and had a responsibility to stop, so others were not forced to work against their will and that anyone working as a sex worker, should be pitied or ashamed, regardless of their motive for doing so.  There was a general assumption that sex workers had no other options.

These are the topics that I would like to discuss in this blog.

Does anyone ever work as a sex worker by choice?

Yes of course they do.  It's a job that can be very lucrative, or beneficial in terms of flexibility and hours needed to be worked in order to fulfill financial goals, be that short term or long term.  Those goals may be of immediate need, be it owing money, paying a bill or in some cases wanting to feed a habit, however this pre-conception that for the majority it is to feed an addiction is very wrong and slightly pre-historic.  Since the advent of the internet and ability to work totally independently, many sex workers simply want to take the financial day to day pressures off in a way that disrupts their normal life as little as possible.

Personally I already had a job, but I was falling short around £100 per Month and this was starting to mount up and then one of my pets fell ill and I needed to pay vet bills, to provide the best care I could for her.  I looked at my options and my skill base (I have a University Degree) and although it was something I didn't fully understand or appreciate.  I decided that the sex industry may help me bridge the financial gap.  This started with selling raunchy pictures on a website.  It was a natural progression along with greater understanding and discovering a friend of mine was working that led me to becoming an Escort.

Now... I am a home owner and I could have sold my house.  I had a spare room and I could have rented it out.  I could have looked for another job, but I needed flexibility to be available for my current work, which I did not want to stop at the time, so those were options I was not keen to do.  I thought that I would give it a try and if I am brutally honest, I decided that I would need to go to a swinging club for my own gratification (I had been swinging prior to starting for my own sexual needs), assuming that the work would be very one sided and unsatisfying sexually for myself.  After all, these people were paying to spend time with my body, not me... right?

Of course I was wrong, as clients are not dirty old men with no respect for women as the media would have you believe.  They are not the dregs of the earth, or ugly or any other stereotype given to them by the media and they didn't want to use my body, and walk away without speaking (yes this was the impression I got from the news and papers).  The reality is very different (at least in my experience).  I have mutual enjoyment with people who want to have mental and physical stimulation on an equal level with me (most of the time).  Sometimes it's not quite balanced, some times I don't actually have to do anything, other than enjoy the experience, or be pampered, or just chat and cuddle and laugh.

Clients often dress to impress, they shower before coming over and shower when they get to me.  They sometimes bring me gifts, pay me a little extra, give me books (I like to read), perfume, wine, chocolates etc, etc.  They treat me with respect and as an equal and in return I will do exactly the same to them and our dignity and self respect remains intact, as we know that we are both consenting, willing and happy to be together for that  period of time.  No one is using anyone, no one is abusing anyone and it is a moment of relaxation, enjoyment and often compassion.

So... are sex workers like myself responsible for the misery of others or trafficked women?

Based on the fact that my clients would be mortified if they thought that they were with someone working against their will, if they could see the pain in a girls eyes and were not able to converse with the lady on a level that reassured them, that she was there of her own free will, I would say absolutely not!  The kind of people that would not care if the person they meet is working against their will or not, would not come and see me.  They would not pay my fees, they would not get through the booking process on the phone with me. They would not be interested in keeping within my boundaries and respecting my boundaries,

This means that the majority of clients (in my experience) have no interest in being party to seeing a sex worker who did not give her consent.  Also, consent does not mean she has to be as utterly content with her work as I am.  It simply means it is their choice and they are not being coerced, pushed or driven to work against their will.  It may not be their first choice, but they have weighed up the pros and cons and decided that for them, sex work is the answer and they are comfortable to make that choice.  Through advertising on the internet, they are able to lay down the rules and work within their own comfort zone.  They see clients of an age they are happy to and only do things they are comfortable with.  Independent Escorts don't have to perform any sexual act they don't want to and no still means no! 

One lady said that she was 14 when she started and she was not coerced.  The thing is... she was underage and therefore that is illegal.  Who do you suppose let her down, so that she felt that was the right option for her?  Could it have been her family?  Could it be the system?  Was she in care and being abused?  Sex work is not for children and no woman or man that I have met, would advocate this, or take advantage of it.  We look out for each other and ideally would work in pairs to keep safe, but the law as it stands today does not allow this.

Some Sex Workers don't like what they are doing, so sex work should be banned! 

It's a job like the fire service, the army or being a nurse.  You have to have the right personality, skill base and attitude to be able to do it and enjoy it.  If we were all the same, then how would you ever decide what job to do?  Just because it is a 'specialist' job, does not mean that people that work in the profession can not get fulfillment from their work or be good at it. 

It annoys me when people don't accept difference and how we are not all the same and with any job, you will get people working in jobs that they are not well suited to, that they shouldn't be in, where others excel and do well.  Sex work is no different.  There are many people stuck in jobs they don't want to be in after realising it's not for them.  I have a relative who is an accountant and hates it.  She trained to do the job and has been doing it for decades, but she has been trying to find alternative work for several years now.  Is that not the same as some people stuck in sex work? 

Is it fair to blame those that are best suited to the job, for those that are not?  

People start sex work for many reasons.  Some desire the glamourous idea of Belle De Jour (As in the series shown on TV) Link to Belle De Jour, others see it as a cash cow and many do it because it is the quickest means to money and self preservation.  They may later down the line realise that they are not happy with the reality, or they can't disconnect themselves emotionally, but still need to work and still need the money; but this is no different to many others in other occupations and you may say, that it is different, as they don't need to be intimate, but believe me, things that fuck with your mind, are equally if not more dangerous to a persons health and well being.  

How many working for the bank have committed suicide?  How many nurses and doctors have been abused at work and wish they didn't have to go into work on a daily basis in case it happens again?  How many having joined the army experience horror, loss of limbs or shell shock?  Sex Work does not have the monopoly with people who wish they could change jobs, or those keeping secrets, or those sticking to a job they don't love just for the money.  Millions of people do it every day, but few actually get paid as much, or can afford to work minimum hours for the same financial results, so they don't have to do it too often.  There are many jobs that are psychologically damaging.

 Sex work is just a job!

Despite how you may feel sexually, morally or emotionally, this does not mean it is the same for everyone else faced with sex work as an option.  Sex work does not have to be demeaning, it does not have to represent a lack of dignity or morals.  I hold my head up high because I am not signing on every Week.  I'm paying my own way, I'm contributing to society and my family and I'm paying taxes.  Morally, work is work and I don't call my clients and bring them to me, so I don't carry any of the moral dilemmas they may have with their situation.  I am simply providing a service and when the door closes behind them, they have to live with their choice, as I'm no longer in the equation.  However, spending time with me is one moral judgment they should not be facing, as I give my full consent, as do many others.

When I am not working I am doing the same as most other people, if not more, as I have more free time to achieve my goals.  I have hobbies and studies, I enjoy travelling and cooking, music and films amongst other things.  I have friends and family and lots of outside interests.  I am a 'normal' person.

Most sex workers start before the age of consent 

The lady that started working at 14 suggested that most sex workers start working under the age of consent.  I think I have only ever met one or two that have told me this was the case for them, although I have met many who have started in later life, or due to studies  with further education or to feed their families.  I am friends with a lady who used to work the streets in Dublin over 20 years ago (well retired now) and she says that there were no young girls where she was working and if there had been any, then the other ladies would have helped them out, got them off the street and did what they could to find other avenues of financial support.  As it was, this didn't happen.

Personally I was in my late 30's when I started and I was 31 before I ever had an orgasm.  I was 18 when I first had sex and I was in a relationship, it was not a one night stand or anything like that and I had a relatively happy childhood with a wonderful Mother and Grandparents.  I did not feel in anyway sexually abused, or repressed and it was more a matter of 'nature calling' telling me I needed to make hay while the sun shines that led me to find sexual partners and rediscover my body after 3 years of celibacy.

Of course I believed that I needed to be dating to get this sexual gratification, as again this is what religion and the media would dictate, but nature does not recognise this and I soon discovered that there were people willing to say anything in order to satisfy their urge for sex and this was the closest to feeling a victim I have ever got, where men would tell me what I wanted to hear in order to get me into bed with them and then vanish.  I decided to take control of the situation, as rather than being upset that the man didn't want to date me, I felt frustrated that after being sexually dormant I now was sexually aware and wanting and the person I had selected to satisfy this urge had gone, believing I wanted more.

I wonder how many woman are seduced in this way?  How many are tricked into sex, believing there is more to come, when the other person has no intention of dating or seeing them again?  Surely it would be better that guys in need of sex see a sex worker who knows the score, with it all being open and above board and no expectations beyond the time booked and full consent given?

I decided to take control of my situation and as I couldn't find anyone to date, as finding a life partner is not easy and shouldn't be a matter of 'making do' in order to fulfill sexual urges, I made the decision to become a swinger and indulged in sexual encounters around once a month without the commitment.  It was exactly what I needed and as a woman I was spoilt for choice.  Unfortunately the same options are rarely available to men, which is why they often resort to underhand behaviour.

Sex workers do not deserve the stigma that they receive.  Most do not have addictions, bad habits, lack of self respect, they don't hurt anyone, they don't ruin marriages, or take husbands from their wives.  They are simply doing a job that can help another person in many ways.  For one thing, having a regular sex life can give you up to 10 years longer life span, due to the hormones released (oxytocin) relaxing, de-stressing and feeling of well being generally, by being with someone who makes you feel good about yourself, takes notice and listens.

You only get one shot at life and life is for living.  We all deserve to live our lives the way we want to, as long as we are not directly hurting anyone and their is full consent.  We all have the right to do what we want with our own body and mind and I am happy to be currently working as a sex worker, because for me it is building the steps to my future and a life that I could never achieve without it.  I respect it for what it has given me, the good it has already helped me achieve and I find it incredulous that others dismiss me and the opportunities in front of me due to my job as a sex worker.  

Would I do things differently if I could do it all again?  

Yes I would have been a sex worker a decade earlier and not got into debt with student loans as a mature student.  I wouldn't have had to work 2 part-time jobs that left me sleeping in lectures, when I should have been listening and handing my child over to my Mum to be cared for while I worked for a pittance to make ends meet.  Life would have been a lot easier for everyone concerned and I may have got a better grade had my eyes been open during those lectures, where my body gave up on sitting in the same place for more than 5 minutes in a warm room.  Living on pro-plus to get essays done is not great and not necessary when you can fund yourself with a few hours work here and there as a sex worker.  If only I had not believed the media stereotypes of the type of women that worked in this industry (that I avoided like the plague for many years) and the type of men that would be my clients. 

Will I leave sex work and if so why? 

Yes I will.  I am now in my 40's and I would like to settle down with someone I have fallen in love with.  This job carries with it a lot of secrets and hiding truths from people that you love.  Not because of guilt or embarrassment, but to protect the ones that you love from the stigma and their own ignorance, as they would not understand, in the way that I didn't before I started.  I don't want my partner to have to be looking over his shoulder all the time and wondering if someone has met me as a client, if his family might find out and if that may upset elderly parents etc.  I would like to be able to talk to him about my day at work and do the things that couples do without dealing with other people's prejudices.

Also, having an active brain I have enjoyed studying and would like to put the new skills I am learning to good use.  I feel I have learned a lot about business while being self employed as a sex worker, and I would like to use these skills in my future career.  A career that would allow me to be closer to family and friends and be open again.  I am monogamous by nature, so it would be the natural progression to be monogamous to the man I love, so this is my goal and one that I look forward to reaching. 

Often a job can have a time limit, be a stepping stone if you like.  People grow out of their jobs, they can be a stop gap, or a vocation.  For me sex work was never going to be forever and re-training was always part of the deal for me.  That has no bearing on the significance of the job for me though, or how much I have enjoyed doing it.  I have met some wonderful people, both in the industry and as clients.  I cherish some of the memories I have collated and I have made some firm friends.  However, like all good things, they tend to come to an end and one day I will move on to another chapter of my life.  Likely I will miss it at times, but I have a lot to look forward to with my future, which I hope will be equally exciting and exhilarating.  

Having achieved so much by myself is something I am very proud of and sex work has been largely instrumental in that. I wouldn't be in the position I am in today, with a bright future ahead of me, if I had not been able to turn to sex work.  It has treated me well and served a purpose.  Who has the right to take that option away from others like myself?  What alternative are they going to give them?  Since when has an adult needed to be told what they can do with their body and made to feel responsible for the misery of others for their personal choices?  Sex is not evil, it is not ugly or abuse, it's the union of two people, a form of expression and a joy.  The only things that should really matter here are the words 'consent' and ' safety' and yet they keep getting swept aside in the name of moral crusades and fake figures on trafficked people that can't be supported by real statistics gathered.

Isn't it time we faced facts and stopped looking for trouble?  People do want to be sex workers and people do want to engage with sex workers.  Laws are already in place to cover the criminal side of sexual abuse, so put more time, money and effort into them and leave the rest of us to get on with our lives. 

A Friend in Need, is a Friend Indeed!

Today I want to tell you about a friend of mine.  This is someone I met just over a year and a half a go.  She is younger than me and a larger than life character, with a great sense of humour and you can't help but feel relaxed in her company.  When we met for the first time, I instantly took a liking to her and some how knew that we would be good friends.  Having said that, due to the nature of the job, we have not met in the flesh again since, but now things have changed, I do hope that will change too and we will make time to do that, as good friends are hard to come by.

My friend I shall call Sophie for the sake of this blog, has not been in the best place for the last couple of years and this is her story...

Two years ago while working as an Escort she was attacked and robbed.  She was struggling mentally and emotionally with sex work as a consequence and finding it very difficult to continue working after the attack, but had no choice.  She was terrified!  She was so terrified, she could barely bring herself to sleep while working away from home and was having to use all the will she had to get over her fear of working.

Having heard of Ruhama and the fact that they were there to help sex workers get out of sex work, Sophie decided that she would contact them to see what they could do to help her.  She needed help, as she just couldn't see a way out by herself and she dreamed that they would whisk her away from this awful situation that she had found herself in.

Sophie was nervous, too nervous to ring them on the phone and terrified about speaking to someone outside the sex industry about her job.  Thankfully Ruhama have a website with a contact form on it, so she decided to fill out the form on the website stating her problems she was having and her desperate need to leave the business, as it was affecting her mentally in a bad way.

A few days later she received a reply from Ruhama, but sadly it was a generic reply with information from their website, saying that it sounds like she could do with some counselling and giving her a telephone number to ring to make an appointment.  This brought her straight back to square one, with facing the dilemma of using the telephone to contact a stranger outside of the sex industry who may judge her for what she does.  Sophie could not bring herself to pick up the phone, she just couldn't do it.  Instead she continued to force herself to work.  In the mean time she kept checking her emails to see if there was light at the end of the tunnel, to see if Ruhama had contacted her again, but they never did.

After some time and coming to terms with the fact that she wasn't going to get any help from Ruhama Sophie started job hunting.  Two years passed by and not one single interview had come her way.  She had registered as self-employed and was paying taxes, but being self-employed didn't seem to help with regards to getting a job, as no one was biting.

Again Sophie looked to Ruhama for help and filled out another form on the website.  This time she was delighted to have got a more human response and was given the opportunity to book an appointment via email.  However although she was based in the North of Ireland, she was instructed to go to Dublin in D9 for the appointment and it was in a very busy, well used building.

Ironically Sophie had to organise a tour to Dublin and work to enable her to attend the meeting, as she couldn't afford to get there otherwise.  The Week before the appointment was really bad workwise and she was not making any money.  She had hoped with all her heart to make some money right up to the day before the appointment so she could attend, just one client would have paid for the taxi, but no work came her way.  With a heavy heart she had to cancel the appointment, as she couldn't afford the taxi fare there and back again.

Feeling despondent Sophie decided again to try and get a job herself.  She re-worked her CV several times and still was not even getting an interview for a job, so after 3 more miserable months she tried again to contact Ruhama and booked another appointment.  She had tried to get an appointment with them a bit closer to home, but there was no budging, she would have to go back to Dublin again.

The timing couldn't have been worse.  Again Sophie had to go and work in Dublin to get close by to Ruhama and had hoped to make some money, but this time it was deadly quiet due to an article in the papers exposing raids and sex workers.  Thankfully despite this Sophie had €50 left after paying her expenses, so reluctantly she used the money to get to the appointment knowing that was all she had.  She was so nervous and she found the place not at all discreet and felt like she might as well have a neon sign over her head saying 'hooker'.

Sophie met up with a lady named Sheila Crawley.  She thought she was very nice and went through all the help they can offer her, which included advice with regards to benefits, careers, counselling and also offering massage and reflexology.  Sophie told her about how difficult it was to get out to the appointment and that she didn't live in Dublin and that work had been bad, which meant that she had spent the only money that she had made to come and see her that day.  Consequently Sheila told her she would assign her a Support Worker that would work with her and that they would focus on getting her signed on to benefits, get her some counselling and career advice.

Sophie had gone into the appointment nervous, but hopeful; she left believing that these people can't help, as it was clear that they didn't help people very often and the questions that they were asking her made it evident that they were not accustomed to talking to indoor sex workers and hadn't got a clue as to how they work.

A Week had passed by and Sophie had not heard back from Ruhama or her Support Worker, so she sent them an email asking about it.  Shortly afterwards she received a phone call.  Again the lady sounded lovely on the phone and Sophie explained that she had done some research and had been informed that she was not entitled to benefits, so benefits were not the way forward and again she expressed her determination and need to find a job outside of sex work.  Her Support Worker arranged a meeting with her, but it wouldn't be for a Month to start things off and a few days later she sent her a number for the citizens advice bureau on benefits.

It seemed pointless after that and Sophie felt bewildered.  Sophie didn't want to go onto benefits, but more importantly, she had already done the research and knew that she was not entitled to them and had explained this clearly to the support worker.  Sophie felt exasperated and disappointed, as all they seemed to want to do was to get her on benefits, give her counselling and a massage.  She also couldn't afford another €50 and seven hours on a bus there and back to go to an appointment for them to not offer her the help that she was actually asking for.  She had more important things to spend the little money she was struggling on to pay bills and live.  They didn't even contact her to see if she was okay, she could have been dead for all they cared.

In the mean time Sophie was in touch with another Escort and it was great, as she was able to speak with her and have conversations about work with someone who knew where she was coming from, who was non judgmental and understood what she was going through.  They talked about Sophie wanting out and how long she had been looking for a job and even that she had gone to see Ruhama and that she was being asked to go back to Dublin again and wait another Month, but she wanted out now and she couldn't afford it.  Her friend asked to see her C.V.  and although it took her a while to email it over, eventually she did.  Straight away her friend could see that the format for the CV was way out of date and focusing on the wrong things.  It was an easy adjustment to make, but also vital, as the C.V is how you open doors to getting interviews.  With a little help Sophie was guided as to how to make the changes and adapt each CV to the employer and straight away started applying for jobs.

Sophie was also glad of the emotional support as well as the guidance, just having someone she could off load to and be honest with about what had happened to her and how she feels.

Just a few Weeks later Sophie got news of two interviews, both in the same Week.  Within a Week of the interviews Sophie was offered a job and is now happily working very hard in a normal job.  She had gotten her life sorted out and is starting to feel the happiest she has been in years.  The job she now has is not easy, in fact she's just worked 30+ hours over her first few days, but she wouldn't swap it for the world and as her friend, that makes me so very proud and happy and it also makes me so angry and frustrated that Ruhama were not there for her and couldn't do something as basic as a simple CV.

Sophie feels that Ruhama don't have any idea about indoor sex work, which is the now the majority of sex workers working in both Ireland and Northern Ireland, with only a tiny percentage still working outside.  They need to realise it's very difficult for touring Escorts to be in Dublin to go to D9 for an appointment and the costs incurred, especially when work is difficult, as in her case where she was attacked and robbed and actually afraid to work.  Ireland does not start and end with D9 and there are 32 other counties out there.

Sophie would hate to think if someone who was trafficked, how they would be able to get the help they needed, with the service being so inflexible.  How exactly do they help them?

Now the official bit.

In the Official (Hansard) document dated 9th January 2014 - Committee for Justice - Human Trafficking and Exploitation (Further Provisions and Support for Victims) Bill: Ruhama

Ms Geraldine Rowley of Ruhama states that:

'When Ruhama was set up 25 years ago, prostitution was predominantly based in the major urban regions such as Belfast, Dublin, Galway, Cork and Limerick on the island of Ireland.  However, over the years, particularly over the past decade, we have seen huge increase in prostitution.  Because of the internet and because of less border control across Europe and on our own island, we have seen huge mobility in the sex trade.  Due to that - our figures show this - the majority of women we have worked with in our services over the past number of years are foreign women who come from countries in eastern Europe, South America and Africa.  It is very mobile, so we work with women who are located in and have been moved around Northern Ireland, and we have worked with victims of trafficking who were based in Northern Ireland.'

So... they are fully aware that sex workers today are mobile and they are not all in Dublin and that many are up in Northern Ireland and yet here Sophie is being given no help within her region, but is being told she has to go to Dublin to seek help and this is something she could not afford, which they were also aware of.  How exactly are they helping these people if this is their normal response?

Ms Geraldine Rowley continues to say...

'Last year, we worked with 170 women in casework.  Overall, we worked with 258 women.'

I am wondering if Sophie was classed as one of the 170, or one of the 258?  Either way, they did nothing for her other than to cost her money, time and frustration.  She was forced to work a whole Week in Dublin to secure that €50 in order to reach their office.  When they were told of her plight they assigned her a support worker, who also ultimately wanted her to go to Dublin at her own expense.  Not one euro of the funding that they get was offered her, so that she would not have to work in order to see them, despite them knowing that is what she was having to do to get there.

Further more Ms Rowley says...

'We provide a lot of face-to-face work.  That is time-consuming.  We also give support over the phone to women.  If they are still involved in prostitution, they may not be able to travel to Dublin, so we try to help women to access their services locally in the community, wherever they are.'

I think the word 'try' is the most appropriate here.  In Sophie's case they were suggesting she should go to the Citizen's Advice Bureau, which I'm sure she would have done herself if it had been the right place to go.  They say they give job advice, but none was actually offered unless she went over to Dublin for a 3rd trip.  They may 'try' to help, but they don't have the skill base and knowledge in which do so and that is the problem.  They can't actually help most Sex Workers, as they are not geared up to work with today's sex worker.

In 2012, which is the year when Sophie first went for help and had that awful experience where she could  not afford to make the appointment due to lack of work and funds, Ruhama had income of €602,284 of which €599,560 was used on administration fees.  Can someone please explain to me how any business can spend that amount of money on administration fees in one year?  Do they not have anyone to make sure they are paying the best possible prices and using the money given to them effectively so it reaches those that need it and not lines the pockets of others?  I find this alone outrageous!  No wonder they couldn't offer Sophie any help with transportation, or send someone over to her.

If Sophie is a typical case, then how many people approaching Ruhama actually get the help they need?  How many fall along the way side and find themselves stuck in a situation that is eating them up inside?  How many of them reach despair and end up taking their own lives or living a life not worth living?  Yes there are people who need help out there.  I am not disputing that, but I do dispute if they are getting the help they need and indeed if Ruhama are the people to give it to them.  Would it not be better if there were Sex Workers actually involved or ex Sex Workers, who have a much better understanding of the conditions, the job and the problems involved?  Women who are intelligent, skilled and more able to help?  Women with a clear understanding, who are not looking to rid the streets of prostitution, but make it a better place to exist or exit from according to their needs.

Is this not money going down the drain where quite possibly the majority of those that reach out for help are not heard or seen, because of their inflexibility and inability to hear what people really need?  So many assumptions being made, so much political involvement that leads to bias and distrust for all concerned.  In my mind a body set up to help prostitutes should not show any bias, they should not show contempt for the people they are meant to be helping, they should purely show support and give it as best possible.  They should grow with the trends and adapt.  They should listen and learn and provide.  I don't see Ruhama doing any of that, but they are certainly spending money and doing an awful lot of political campaigning, which in turn alienates them from the very people they claim to help.

Will this new law help those that need help the most?  No!  So why do Ruhama want it so bad? Who exactly will gain from this legislation?  I'll leave it there for you to decide for yourself.

Thank you Sophie for sharing your story with me and I wish you all the best in your new life where you now feel safe and secure and for the first time in years... Happy! 

Addition* I've recently come across this link, which was written by an American lady, but so many parallels I felt it was worth adding, as we are in total agreement, that Sex Workers are part of the solution and not the problem, when it comes to trafficked women.

http://chronicles.kinketc.com/sex-industry-survivor-speaks/

Minutes of the Meeting - Human Trafficking and Exploitation Bill - 29th Sept 2014

The meeting started 15 minutes late and I arrived 15 minutes after that, so I will start with the apologies for those that did not attend.  Apologies from any known currently working Escort.  Oh... wait a minute, no one asked for a representative of the Sex Work Community.  In fact the Union that had been set up to protect the needs of the Sex Workers was scoffed at by a certain Rachel Moran, who said it was not a REAL union, but a way for Pimps to protect their financial investment!

Speech

Lord Morrow of Clogher Valley MLA

 - I'm afraid I missed the first video entitled 'The Trip', but I did listen to Lord Morrow give his speech.  He quite rightly tackled the subject of trafficking and coercion in terms of three areas of concern.  That being:

Labour in the work force - factories etc.
Domestic slavery - i.e. - Women used within the home and not allowed out.
Sexual Exploitation - Used against their will sexually for financial gain.

Rightly so, it was explained that men, women and children can all fall victim to trafficking and coercion and that there were potentially 140 cases of this found across the spectrum within Northern Ireland.

This is where something close to a real statistic is replaced with emotive language and two stories of women were explained and stories these were, as it would seem there was no evidence to support their claims.  One story Lord Morrow distanced himself from, explaining he had never met the lady, but this was her story and that was of domestic servitude.  She had been kept prisoner within a family home for anything from 3 to 5 years and not allowed to leave.  She made a cry for help and it was answered.  She was rescued and it was a success story for Northern Ireland, which I salute and commend for helping this lady.

However, the second story Lord Morrow alleged to know this lady and had met her in person. He made it sound like the story was far more likely to be true and yet the story itself sounded to me (as a current working Sex Worker) like something out of a Hollywood thriller.  The story purports that the lady was taken from her nursing studies in England, where she was studying as a foreign student (she is Romanian).  She was a young 20 year old woman and against her will she was taken by two armed men to the airport and flown over to Ireland, where she was put to work as a prostitute.  She was made to service between 15 and 20 men a day and bundled across Dublin, Limerick and Galway until eventually she was rescued and released from her plight.

First of all I would like to congratulate Ireland for another success story, where a person has been found and taken out of a terrible situation.  I would imagine that this also led to convictions of the pimps, as they had proof of what was happening?  I would also like to believe that the story was followed up to make sure that it was real, because otherwise, however harrowing... it is just a story.  Did anyone contact the Nursing College to ask if the lady was on the course she claimed to be on?  Had anyone at the College reported the lady missing and contacted her family?  I believe foreign students have a mentor to help them while they are in a foreign country, what actions was the mentor taking to find her and make sure that she had left of her own free will and not just abandoned the course?

Anne (the victim) claims that she was made to service 15 to 20 men per day.  This is physically not possible.  If we take 20 as the larger number and consider each booking to be of 30 minutes duration, the time working alone amounts to 10 hours.  That does not allow for picking up and answering the phone, for people running late on arrival, for people over staying etc, etc.  It would also suggest that she was not given any time to wash herself in between, so by the time she had got to the 10th client, she would stink to high heaven.  It just isn't physically possible to see that many clients and then there is the fact that the average high volume working Sex Worker currently working in Ireland is lucky if she is able to secure 10 bookings in a day.  They are competing with the 800 advertised Sex Workers, with pretty pictures and profiles, all offering luxury and clean towels.  This means it takes a certain type of man to choose to see a lady in these conditions and those men are in the minority and they are part of an underground world that most of us are not aware of and never will be aware of.

This brings me on to the clause 6, which advocates the use of the Swedish Model, where currently they are getting no convictions, as they can not get the evidence needed to convict the pimps.  A country that puts more importants on fining clients than helping Sex Workers.  A country that currently has more prostitution than Ireland, with over 1000 recorded working daily and a country that has higher HIV rates than Ireland since their bill to make the client pay came in.  They have no success stories, they have no convictions.

It is already a crime to traffic or coerce a human in any of these three categories mentioned.  There is already support to help the victims and it is a very naive stance for anyone to believe that there is no trafficking or coercion going on in the country that they live in.  There is not a country in the world that is free of this and it is degrading and it is nasty, but it needs to be contained and it needs to be given severer sentencing upon convictions and people need to be made to pay for exploiting other humans, but that should be aimed at the PIMPS, as they are the ones facilitating this and taking people away from their regular lives and taking away their freedom.  These should be the people that are found, the abusers, those in the knowledge that they are there against their will.  This law already exists!!!!

Currently the toughest sentence for someone convicted of trafficking is two years.  That means that they may be walking free again after one year and assuming they are taken into custody before their sentence is passed, then they could be out before that.  It is rare that anyone should get the full term, which means that they can be out of prison and working in the industry again within 6 months to a year.  When you consider the vast amount of money they can make from one single trafficked woman, do you really think that this kind of sentence is going to deter a man who is prepared to treat another human being in this way from doing it again?  The sentences are feeble, the consequences too light.  They do not stop anyone from committing this type of crime, they just take them off the street for a few short months and allow someone else to take their place.

Lord Morrow continued to thank all the supporters for his campaign with regards to stopping sex work and made particular mention to Paul Bailey who he said had read every word of 1200 pages of a report put together by the Justice Committee on trafficking and coercion.  This does beg the question of why only one MP has read this information and in particular, why Lord Morrow had not considered it worth his time to read it?  Surely if this is of such volume, it holds information of great worth and should be considered vitally important?

He then quoted from William Hague who he said was one of his heroes.

You can choose to look the other way,

but you may not say you did not know!

I found this quote to be of particular interest in the knowledge that the voices of the current Sex Workers have largely been ignored, or belittled, as not representative.

Video Presentation

'No Hope'

This video came straight out of a Liam Neeson movie of 'Taken'.  It was emotive and there to cause shock value, but I believe there is very little resemblance to most Sex Workers working in Ireland and Northern Ireland today.

A young girl is waiting at the airport, freshly arrived from another country to work as a Nanny.  She is picked up by the driver who ignores most of her chatter about what work she will be doing with the new family she expects to be with upon arrival.  The driver drags her out of the vehicle and into a wreck of a building with a dirty mattress on the floor, where she is thrown down.

Two more men appear and they rape her and beat her up.  She is given a phone and told that she  must take the bookings or they will hurt her family.  We are then subjected to seeing more men come and go and rape her as she struggles and cries.

This is not sex work, this is not the life of an Escort.  Sex Workers give their consent and work within their own boundaries and can always say..; No!  Sex Workers are NOT raped!  They are not forced and if they are ever in a position where they are made to do something against their will, they can currently report that to the Police and file a report and this can lead to a conviction.  This will not be possible if the law changes, as every man will be considered a rapist and she will want to protect her good, regular clients and will not want to expose where she is working, for fear of them having their lives ruined.

People who arrange to see Sex Workers are not looking to rape anyone.  They are looking for a mutual exchange with another consenting adult.  The majority value that consent and will do their best to make sure that the person they see is happy with the arrangement.  There are showers and towels and protection.  No one is forced to do anything against their will.

The video clip may be representative of trafficking, I would not know, as I have never been in that situation, but I do know that it is NOT representative of the life of a Sex Worker and the two need to be separated, otherwise my right to consent is being taken away from me and as a sane, educated individual I should have that right!

In conclusion, it is not a matter of 'No Hope', but 'No Comparison'.  These are two separate issues and our judgement should not be marred in this way.  Sex with consent is not rape, even when money is exchanged!

My Story

Rachel Moran

Rachel started by saying a little about herself.  She said that in the USA she would have been considered trafficked, as she had started Sex Work at the tender age of 15.  I found this surprising, as I was under the impression that you had to be legally 18 to work as a sex worker in the UK and Ireland, so as far as we are concerned here, she would also be considered as trafficked, or coerced.  it is illegal whatever it is considered.

She mentioned that at that time of her life she felt she had no other choice and there were no other viable alternatives, as she was homeless.  This I'm afraid is incorrect, as being 15 she would still be protected and if she had seeked help, she would have got it.  It would have been a different story if she had been 18 or over, but as a minor, she had the full support of the Country.  Therefor her reasoning for entering sex work due to having no choices, I'm afraid is not valid.  It may have been her preference, but she DID have choices.

Rachel believes that all sex work should be stamped out and that in doing so it would stop trafficking.  However, this does not address the plight of the labour enforced or domestic enforced trafficked victim.  It is far too simplistic to suggest that taking away the sex industry will stop PIMPS from being able to benefit from trafficking.  It is also far too simplistic to assume that making clients criminals will solve the problem.

Surely if this was true, then they would also be tackling the factories, the hotel industry and the Domestic industries and stopping them, as they are facilitating the slave trade and trafficking in the other known and accepted areas of trafficking?  They also have much larger numbers to tackle than the sex industry.

Rachel also said that she had never met a sex worker who worked of her own free will.  I am wondering if she is walking around with her eyes shut, as I'm sure Laura Lee has had a huge presence during these debates and I believe two Sex Workers were present at another meeting she attended and they were also Independent Escorts.  However, just to be on the safe side, I did make a point of introducing myself to her and while we were shaking hands I told her that she had now officially met a Sex Worker, who was working of her own free will and had options.  She assured me that I was in the minority.  I assured her that I was not.  I told her I had met many sex workers who worked of their own free will and also had options, but she shook her head and repeated that I was mistaken and I was in the minority.

I find it incredulous that a woman can stand up on stage and say she cares about people, when in actual fact she only cares about herself.  The woman is there to promote herself and her own book and the more a victim she can be, the better her book will sell.  She has no care for the truth, otherwise she would have asked me about my experiences and how I know people who work of their own free will.  Instead she closed her mind, she closed her ears and she walked away to have a group photo taken with all the other single minded people, that don't care about the people in the industry; who's jobs they are threatening and the lives of those who currently pay to see sex workers to make their lives a better place to be.

Rachel is repulsed by those that use the sex industry, she is repulsed by those that buy women to have sex with and she commented on the 'mock' sex union that pretends to represent sex workers, as they have invested interest in keeping paying for sex legal.  She said it is ran by Escort Ireland, who on a daily basis sell 800 women per day.  This again is emotive language.  Escort Ireland offers advert space and an individual can create their own advert and pay to show their availability on that site.  You are paying for advertising space, as you would do with ebay, vivastreet or any other online website.  Sex Workers are not being sold, as at the end of the time paid for the lady/gent can close the door and never see that client again if she/he so wish.  They are not selling themselves, but they are selling their skill base and company.  They are in control, they decides what they want to provide and they earn their money in the same way any other service provider does.

I also feel that this emphasis on the sex trade and trafficking undervalues the plight of the majority of trafficked people who come under the other two categories.  It seems they don't need a special clause to eradicate the trade that they have been forced into.  It seems that it is far more palatable for the nation to accept that a person may be locked in a room and malnourished, being forced to work long hours in hard labour, as long as sex is not the prime reason.  Is that because there is less money to be made from it?  Or because they feel their plight is less arduous?  Or they believe that it is possible for people to want to do those jobs and have other choices?  I'm not sure, but no one seems to be questioning that.  That seems quite surreal to me.  In essence, I feel that clause 6 serves to devalue the majority of trafficked that come under these other categories, who's lives are equally taken away from them and beaten and abused.  They deserve the same attention and if that is not right for them, then why is it right to attempt to abolish the sex trade?

At the end of Rachel Moran's story we were given the opportunity to ask questions, but before I had the chance to pose a question in my head, she was off the podium and sat back down in her seat.  It was suggested we may like to ask her questions later, as of course it's not likely anyone would want to do it publicly.  I would have liked to, but alas I was not quick enough.

Speech

Rt. Hon. Peter Robinson MLA, First Minister of Northern Ireland, Leader of the Democratic Union Party

Not much to report here really.  He showed his support to Lord Morrow and commended him for fighting for clause 6, saying that it would have been much easier to pass this bill if he had left it out and this bill has been in the making now for the last two and a half years, so much time has past and I do wonder how many trafficked victims have not been helped in that time for hanging on to this clause that will do more harm than good?

I personally feel let down by politicians that are all too eager to believe what they hear without seeking any evidence.  Without doing the proper research and with out really caring about the people in their community, as believe it or not, sex workers are part of the community and they should have rights too.  They should be protected, but in this case, they are needing protection from careless politics and politicians, who are far too busy trying to 'look good', than really care about the good they are doing, or not in this case.

Closing Remarks

Arlene Foster MLA, Minister for Enterprise, Trade and Investment

Again, nothing much to report here.  There was a lot of back slapping and pleas for people to send letters in support of the bill and how wonderful it was to have a letter of support from Jimmy Carter.  It is such a shame that his support is misguided, as this clause does nothing to help those that are trapped in this industry, but if anything hems them in, while they concentrate on entrapping and fining the clients.

If you would like to find out more about this bill then please do visit the site that was newly launched just Yesterday at www.givinghopeni.com

The bill is at its most critical stage, being stage 5 of 10 stages.  Once this stage is complete, there is either a clear path to bring the bill in complete with clause 6, or for taking it back to basics and reviewing the areas that are rejected.  If anyone is reading this and like me, believes that this bill is not being produced to help those that need it most, but to punish those they feel morally should not be having sex with other consenting adults, then please show your hand.    Make it known under what ever guise you feel comfortable that this bill will only make things worse, it will drive the honest and innocent (yes sex workers are innocent with regards to trafficking) underground, it will put their lives in jeopardy and it will destroy the lives of clients, who only seek to spend time with other consenting adults for a fee.  This is not a crime, this is simply a transaction between two adults.

Thank you for reading my blog and I hope you can see how misguided trust is a very dangerous thing.

Sex Work Versus Child Betrothals/Marriage

I woke up this morning as always with things on my mind about my chosen career path in Sex Work and a particular person who has been texting me from the UK, offering me solace and telling me that I am a good person and I should grow up and get out of the sex trade, that is murdering 'our' children.  He has said a lot more besides and without provocation, but it seems in his mind he is doing a good thing.

Now this morning as I lay in my bed I couldn't help wonder, not knowing this mans age or circumstance.  If I had accepted his 'way out' and agreed to marry him.  Would I have ended up a slave to him?  Would he have expected me to be eternally grateful and then do his washing, cleaning, cooking and service him sexually when he wanted it?  Or was he trying to set me free, from what he felt was an evil job?

This in turn set me thinking about how historically young girls as soon as they hit puberty, in some cases as young as 12 or 13 have been married without their consent as part of a bargaining tool amongst families.  Often in order to keep the wider family in financial status or increase their social status.  Is this not a worse fate than a women who as an adult chooses to be a Sex Worker of her own free will?  Not forced, but empowering herself to hit goals and be financially secure in her own right.

At first I decided to google facts on arranged marriages within the UK and just how far back they could be traced, but I quickly got side tracked by the fact that this is not a thing of the past, but continues to happen world wide.  Almost instantly I was presented with a picture of a young girl sat by an old man.  Her fate to be his wife and live out the role of a wife to a man old enough to be her Grand Father.

http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2011/05/19/the_young_and_the_betrothed#sthash.o03OGCsY.dpbs

Here we see a 40 year old man (who looks older) with an 11 year old girl, just before their wedding.  Tell me... what part does prostitution play in the fate of this child?  Is she being forced into Sex Work?  I'd say yes, but is it due to the Sex Trade?  No!  Who is responsible for making this child suffer in this way?  And I do mean suffer, because no 11 year old in this planet dreams of marrying a man she can not relate with, a man who could be her Father or Grand Father.  No girl of 11 is sexually aware or ready to be a wife and sexual partner to an adult.

From here I looked on and found a questions and answers board created for the Jewish faith.  This is what I found...

What has been the youngest age for marriage (not betrothal) amongst Jews for men and for women?

One can marry as soon as they reach majority, which has been defined since well before the first century as age 12 for girls, 13 for boys.

In the early biblical period, they instead defined majority as having two pubic hairs (with some extra rules for people who couldn't grow any). The change in definition is rabbinic, and therefore doesn't apply to some biblical matters, such as conversion. However, it does apply for marriage. However, in those days a father had the right to marry off his minor daughter at any age, with the assumption that he knows what's in her best interest, and that's part of caring for her. She has the right to anull the marriage when reaching age 12. Today, the father would be violating a prohibition if he exercised this right, however, the marriage would be binding and a writ of divorce necessary.

Using this rule, I could have been married off at the age of 11.  This is when I got my first pubic hairs.  I was a month off my 18th birthday before I decided I was ready to have my first sexual encounter, let alone be married.  According to the Jewish faith, this would not matter.  My emotions, my mental and physical growth plays no part in this decision and if my Father had wanted me married at 11, then he would have been within his right to do so, due to those 2 pubic hairs.

I am now happily working as a Sex Worker, having had a regular childhood and having been introduced to sex in my own time, when I was ready and on my terms.  Who is getting the better deal here?  Who is being abused? Is the Sex Trade abusing Jewish girls that were or maybe still are being betrothed and married off before they are sexually aware and still children?  Is the Sex Trade abusing a women who chooses it of her own free will in her 30's and has no outside pressure to do so?

For anyone reading this who has not read my submission.  During the earlier months of this year I wrote a document that collated some facts, that together dispelled the myth that all Sex Workers are working against their will and the ones that are working are all damaged.  The facts are that in Ireland (an area I currently work), there are very few actual victims of trafficking and very few convictions, although still more convictions in Ireland than in Sweden, where people are too scared to come forward and evidence is very hard to come by.

The problem is that Ireland does not allow Agencies and many Escorts/Sex Workers arrive from outside of the country and prefer to use a body/Agency that can help them to set up work and secure somewhere to live and work from.  These ladies are earning less than Independent Escorts, as they are not working directly for themselves and there are over heads and a percentage of income owed to the Agency, but this works in the same way it would with an other Agency.  The fact that really  matters here is that the Sex Worker is working of their own free will and she should be protected by guidelines, that do not allow the exploitation of a third person, but regulates it.  As the law stands the arrangement is illegal, so although it still happens, she does not have any support and would be considered as trafficked or coerced.

There are also a percentage of women that work independently and they have no third party working on their behalf.  They get all their own work, decide how much to charge and what they are happy to do within their work.  This is the category that I come under.  I did not choose Sex Work out of desperation or because I had no other choice.  Yes I did have financial commitments that I needed to meet, but I did have other options, for one I had a house that I could have sold, but I chose to keep it and to become a Sex Worker, as this for me seemed like the logical choice, as something I knew I would be good at, enjoy and allow me to enter back into the world of education and further expand my choices for the future.

I am not alone.  There are thousands of women working all around the world doing exactly the same thing.  They are not being forced, they are not harming anyone else, they are looking after their own health and safety the best way they can, but for this awful stigma, that seems to rear its ugly head at every opportunity, where people genuinely feel abhorred by what we do and blame us for so many things that are not our cross to bear.

There are no cases of children under the age of 17 entering into Sex Work in Ireland for the last 5 years, although TORL would have you believe it.  The truth is, legally you have to be 18 to be a Sex Worker, although the age of consent is 16 and some 17 year olds have been found to be working.  It is debatable as to if this was of their own free will or not, but either way they are not 12 year olds, who are not sexually mature enough mentally or physically.  They are young women, well over the age of puberty and sexual awareness.

While we are fighting the myths of the Sex Worker in Ireland, there are children still to this day, being used as bait, betrothed and married to men decades older than themselves with no choice.  Perhaps it is time to put this into perspective and stop with the mythology of the sex industry and that men are rapists and the Sex Workers are all abused by men that don't care and use their bodies as vessels. It is not like that.  Even the women that choose Sex Work as a last resort, will have clients that they enjoy the company of, they enjoy spending time with and feel comfortable with.

Now you may feel it is important to save those that do this as a last resort, but how do you propose to do that?  By taking away their last resort and offering them what exactly?  Free education?  Would that be education that they need or want or what you think they should have?  A while back I was asked if I would take part in a documentary where they took Escorts from their work and educated them into being designers and they would create their own line of clothing.  They were all very excited at the concept of re-education and giving these girls a better life.  Without a seconds thought I said no.  The reason being is that all I could see was being exposed, so that my family and friends would know what I have been doing and I choose not to disclose that information and I don't want to be a designer.  I already have a degree and higher qualifications and personally I believe the clothing industry to be a volatile one, so why would I put myself in that position?

My point is these 'people' all seem to think that we start from nothing and can be picked up, educated and moved on.  It's not as simple as that.  The majority of Independent Escorts are very well educated.  You have to be in order to run a business by yourself, as we're not allowed to employ anyone to help us, as that automatically puts us on shaky ground legally, even if we employ someone to clean the property we work from, as no one is allowed to benefit from our earnings, although the TAX man doesn't seem to mind too much.

Dispel the myth, create regulations to help us, so that standards are kept and met.  Make it compulsory to have STI checks quarterly (minimum), make it compulsory to wear condoms for penetration.  Make it legal for two girls to work together for their own safety.  Have a list of licensed names of Escorts working, which needs to be renewed yearly (working names accepted).  This way the Police will know who is working where, if they wish they can put a cap on it, so they can regulate how many are working in each area and they then know they are working of their own free will and can help the ones that are not.  Far better to work with them, than against them.  Protect the ones that need protecting and create a better standard of health and safety for those that choose sex work.

There are far worse things happening in the world.  We don't deserve the stigma and the myths that are circulated in our direction.  Sex Workers are not evil, or dirty or without morals.  We are just normal people making a living.

Being Bonniest Baby at Butlins Led me to being a Sex Worker!

 

Ahh who the hell am I kidding?  And to be fair it was a ‘Mother and Baby’ competition, so my Mum was pretty hot back then too!

I was about three years old and in all honesty, I don’t remember a second of it, but we had a little silver cup for winning and I had that throughout my childhood and remember well, being proud of it and totally forgetting the fact that my Mum was in the competition too, as I was only interested in the fact that I won it!

 

Why, oh why, oh why, do adults have to make such a big deal and make something sexual out of something innocent?  Children like to dress up, they like pretty things that glitter and they like to pretend to be like their parents, so be prepared for the day your find your 5 year old is trying to walk in your heels, or your 3 year old son is ruining your best eye shadow, as they apply it all over their face.  Yes I found my son doing this!  I once found my panty wings stuck to his bedroom window too!  Should I have worried about that?

 

As far as I am concerned (as a Mother) if the child is enjoying the attention and likes to dress up and it is building their confidence and social skills, then what damage exactly does it do?  Here you have at least one parent, who is lavishing attention on their child and not sitting it in front of the TV, while they do whatever it is they feel is more important than their child.  These are the years of bonding and believe me if the child is happy, the bond they have with the parent/s that attend with them will be very strong.

Bless my Mother for yearly entering me into the pears soap competition and getting no where and bless my Sister for coming along and finally making her happy and making it to Carnival Queen.  I was such a Tom boy, she was never going to achieve her goals with me, but did I feel pushed, did I feel unable to say no or be myself?  Not for a minute.

People need to stop interfering; these things have been going on for decades and do no harm.   Why make a fuss now?  Where is the research that shows damaged children who have previously entered these pageants?

Oh gosh, the little tots are walking up and down blowing kisses and being told to smile by their parents!!! How awful?

 

It actually makes me quite cross.  It’s not just about beauty, otherwise why would they be asked to do an act, dance or sing etc.

You know what they will be doing next?  They will be stopping children from going to dance school, as I can assure you they often wear skimpy costumes and wear make-up, so where is the difference?

So… of course if the child doesn’t enjoy it and is obviously distressed, they should not be forced to participate, but then how many children have been forced to go to Brownies, Sunday school, swimming lessons etc?  Surely dressing up and role play is part of being a child and childhood?  It’s just another strand of how some children have fun!

If we would like to talk about child abuse, perhaps we should highlight the fact that some children get beaten, because they find it difficult to learn the kur’an!  Children that do a full days learning at school and then after school have to go to the Mosque and spend hours reciting and learning.

Or maybe we should talk about the children that come home from school hungry to no food and are left in front of the TV for hours on end, or let out to play with no knowledge of where they are or what they are doing until it gets dark?  You think these children don't exist?  Children that are either forced into situations they can not cope with or abandoned to look after themselves, because the parents can't be bothered?  Is it really so much better be ignored?

Does anyone try and help these children and threaten their parents with 2 years in prison for abusing their children?  Would they dare interfere?

We live in a sick world that has somehow turned on its head.  Things that are natural and innocent have been warped into sexual and ugly scenes, people that are enjoying consensual experiences are being victimized and stigmatized, for making choices other people don’t approve of.  Where is the equality in being told what you can and can’t do?  Where is the democracy, where anyone who does not fit in the box is said to not know their own mind?

Of course we need to care for the vulnerable and make sure that they are treated fairly and not abused, but please, can we stop looking for problems and victims where they do not exist?  Can we not treat people with a little more respect and accept that they may just not want to fit their round shape into your square box?  As long as the children are happy, as long as the consenting adult is happy, leave them to get on with their lives and get on with yours!