Now this morning as I lay in my bed I couldn't help wonder, not knowing this mans age or circumstance. If I had accepted his 'way out' and agreed to marry him. Would I have ended up a slave to him? Would he have expected me to be eternally grateful and then do his washing, cleaning, cooking and service him sexually when he wanted it? Or was he trying to set me free, from what he felt was an evil job?
This in turn set me thinking about how historically young girls as soon as they hit puberty, in some cases as young as 12 or 13 have been married without their consent as part of a bargaining tool amongst families. Often in order to keep the wider family in financial status or increase their social status. Is this not a worse fate than a women who as an adult chooses to be a Sex Worker of her own free will? Not forced, but empowering herself to hit goals and be financially secure in her own right.
At first I decided to google facts on arranged marriages within the UK and just how far back they could be traced, but I quickly got side tracked by the fact that this is not a thing of the past, but continues to happen world wide. Almost instantly I was presented with a picture of a young girl sat by an old man. Her fate to be his wife and live out the role of a wife to a man old enough to be her Grand Father.
http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2011/05/19/the_young_and_the_betrothed#sthash.o03OGCsY.dpbs
Here we see a 40 year old man (who looks older) with an 11 year old girl, just before their wedding. Tell me... what part does prostitution play in the fate of this child? Is she being forced into Sex Work? I'd say yes, but is it due to the Sex Trade? No! Who is responsible for making this child suffer in this way? And I do mean suffer, because no 11 year old in this planet dreams of marrying a man she can not relate with, a man who could be her Father or Grand Father. No girl of 11 is sexually aware or ready to be a wife and sexual partner to an adult.
From here I looked on and found a questions and answers board created for the Jewish faith. This is what I found...
What has been the youngest age for marriage (not betrothal) amongst Jews for men and for women?
In the early biblical period, they instead defined majority as having two pubic hairs (with some extra rules for people who couldn't grow any). The change in definition is rabbinic, and therefore doesn't apply to some biblical matters, such as conversion. However, it does apply for marriage. However, in those days a father had the right to marry off his minor daughter at any age, with the assumption that he knows what's in her best interest, and that's part of caring for her. She has the right to anull the marriage when reaching age 12. Today, the father would be violating a prohibition if he exercised this right, however, the marriage would be binding and a writ of divorce necessary.
Using this rule, I could have been married off at the age of 11. This is when I got my first pubic hairs. I was a month off my 18th birthday before I decided I was ready to have my first sexual encounter, let alone be married. According to the Jewish faith, this would not matter. My emotions, my mental and physical growth plays no part in this decision and if my Father had wanted me married at 11, then he would have been within his right to do so, due to those 2 pubic hairs.
I am now happily working as a Sex Worker, having had a regular childhood and having been introduced to sex in my own time, when I was ready and on my terms. Who is getting the better deal here? Who is being abused? Is the Sex Trade abusing Jewish girls that were or maybe still are being betrothed and married off before they are sexually aware and still children? Is the Sex Trade abusing a women who chooses it of her own free will in her 30's and has no outside pressure to do so?
For anyone reading this who has not read my submission. During the earlier months of this year I wrote a document that collated some facts, that together dispelled the myth that all Sex Workers are working against their will and the ones that are working are all damaged. The facts are that in Ireland (an area I currently work), there are very few actual victims of trafficking and very few convictions, although still more convictions in Ireland than in Sweden, where people are too scared to come forward and evidence is very hard to come by.
The problem is that Ireland does not allow Agencies and many Escorts/Sex Workers arrive from outside of the country and prefer to use a body/Agency that can help them to set up work and secure somewhere to live and work from. These ladies are earning less than Independent Escorts, as they are not working directly for themselves and there are over heads and a percentage of income owed to the Agency, but this works in the same way it would with an other Agency. The fact that really matters here is that the Sex Worker is working of their own free will and she should be protected by guidelines, that do not allow the exploitation of a third person, but regulates it. As the law stands the arrangement is illegal, so although it still happens, she does not have any support and would be considered as trafficked or coerced.
There are also a percentage of women that work independently and they have no third party working on their behalf. They get all their own work, decide how much to charge and what they are happy to do within their work. This is the category that I come under. I did not choose Sex Work out of desperation or because I had no other choice. Yes I did have financial commitments that I needed to meet, but I did have other options, for one I had a house that I could have sold, but I chose to keep it and to become a Sex Worker, as this for me seemed like the logical choice, as something I knew I would be good at, enjoy and allow me to enter back into the world of education and further expand my choices for the future.
I am not alone. There are thousands of women working all around the world doing exactly the same thing. They are not being forced, they are not harming anyone else, they are looking after their own health and safety the best way they can, but for this awful stigma, that seems to rear its ugly head at every opportunity, where people genuinely feel abhorred by what we do and blame us for so many things that are not our cross to bear.
There are no cases of children under the age of 17 entering into Sex Work in Ireland for the last 5 years, although TORL would have you believe it. The truth is, legally you have to be 18 to be a Sex Worker, although the age of consent is 16 and some 17 year olds have been found to be working. It is debatable as to if this was of their own free will or not, but either way they are not 12 year olds, who are not sexually mature enough mentally or physically. They are young women, well over the age of puberty and sexual awareness.
While we are fighting the myths of the Sex Worker in Ireland, there are children still to this day, being used as bait, betrothed and married to men decades older than themselves with no choice. Perhaps it is time to put this into perspective and stop with the mythology of the sex industry and that men are rapists and the Sex Workers are all abused by men that don't care and use their bodies as vessels. It is not like that. Even the women that choose Sex Work as a last resort, will have clients that they enjoy the company of, they enjoy spending time with and feel comfortable with.
Now you may feel it is important to save those that do this as a last resort, but how do you propose to do that? By taking away their last resort and offering them what exactly? Free education? Would that be education that they need or want or what you think they should have? A while back I was asked if I would take part in a documentary where they took Escorts from their work and educated them into being designers and they would create their own line of clothing. They were all very excited at the concept of re-education and giving these girls a better life. Without a seconds thought I said no. The reason being is that all I could see was being exposed, so that my family and friends would know what I have been doing and I choose not to disclose that information and I don't want to be a designer. I already have a degree and higher qualifications and personally I believe the clothing industry to be a volatile one, so why would I put myself in that position?
My point is these 'people' all seem to think that we start from nothing and can be picked up, educated and moved on. It's not as simple as that. The majority of Independent Escorts are very well educated. You have to be in order to run a business by yourself, as we're not allowed to employ anyone to help us, as that automatically puts us on shaky ground legally, even if we employ someone to clean the property we work from, as no one is allowed to benefit from our earnings, although the TAX man doesn't seem to mind too much.
Dispel the myth, create regulations to help us, so that standards are kept and met. Make it compulsory to have STI checks quarterly (minimum), make it compulsory to wear condoms for penetration. Make it legal for two girls to work together for their own safety. Have a list of licensed names of Escorts working, which needs to be renewed yearly (working names accepted). This way the Police will know who is working where, if they wish they can put a cap on it, so they can regulate how many are working in each area and they then know they are working of their own free will and can help the ones that are not. Far better to work with them, than against them. Protect the ones that need protecting and create a better standard of health and safety for those that choose sex work.
There are far worse things happening in the world. We don't deserve the stigma and the myths that are circulated in our direction. Sex Workers are not evil, or dirty or without morals. We are just normal people making a living.
