It is my intention to dispel this myth and shed light on the reality of the situation. The majority of sex workers are not timid, scared little creatures that feel when they take the money from a client, they are handing over their body and giving consent for another human to do anything they want with it. The body still belongs to the sex worker and the sex worker is the one saying what can and can not be done, within the time they are together.
I know that many people think the phrase 'time and companionship' is just a cover for what is really just about 'sex', but this is not true. In fact I would say that today for most sex workers, time and companionship is exactly what they are offering and within that time they dictate what else can happen if they are happy with the person they are with.
So who does have all the cards and the upper hand or is it an equal exchange of power?
Let's look at it from the clients point of view first. The client gets to look on a directory and choose who he wants to meet. He then contacts that person. Can he demand to see them, or does he have to ask them if they are available and able to see them? Can he demand what time they meet and where they meet, or does he have to ask and perhaps negotiate depending on what is agreeable with the sex worker?
No he can not force a sex worker to meet him. If the sex worker is like myself and Independent, she/he will be listening to his phone manner and deciding if they would be happy to meet him. She/he would be listening to what he is saying and deciding if it is something she is comfortable with, or if he sounds like he has respect for sex workers. After a short conversation it is the sex worker who will say if they are happy to take their business or not, not the client demanding to see them.
The majority of sex workers provide in calls only. This means that the client needs to travel to them, so they are in an environment that they know and feel safe in. The client may ask them to travel to his location, but this will often result in a refusal, unless the client can provide some kind of proof that they are known and safe to go to. Most sex workers will have a network of friends within the business that they can call on to ask for advice on clients. If a client can not provide information like this, it is rare that a sex worker would put herself at risk. Alternatively they may ask for information on where they are staying (if a hotel) and check with the hotel that they are who they say they are.
So in both situations the sex worker is in control and the client is having to be compliant with their needs in order to secure the booking. At this point, who do you think is in control?
Next we have the client who may want certain sexual services. It is not a God given right or expectation that a client will be able to do what he likes to the sex worker in a sexual way. She will have a list of activities that she will be comfortable to offer at her discretion, which means if she is not happy to do these things at the time of the booking, she is within her right to refuse. Why might she do this? It could be that she has had dental treatment and not willing to take the risk of providing oral without a condom, where she/he may normally do so. It could be that the client refuses to take a shower and is not clean enough, so the sex worker is not happy for certain intimate acts, or it may be that the client is a smoker etc. In all cases, the client will need to comply with the sex workers wishes in order to get the service that he is looking for and only the services that she is advertising. If a client wants me to perform an act that I do not advertise, it will not happen and they need to respect that.
I have had clients phone me and ask me if I will do bareback sex with them. For those that do not know, that means penetrative sex without a condom. This is not something that I offer and the majority of sex workers do not offer this as a service. I will of course say no and I have been offered as much as €1000 for an hour booking to do this. For me you can not put a price on your health, so again the answer is no and I refuse to meet them or on these grounds accepting that they agree that we do not have sex without a condom, I also refuse oral without a condom, as I am not confident of their sexual practices and they become a higher risk to me. These are my terms for a booking in this situation and he has to abide by them in order to see me. If he deviates from these terms, then it is rape and in 6 years of work I have never been raped by a client.
So... what power does the client hold? If they are agreed to be met by the sex worker and abide by the sex workers conditions he is able to pay for time, companionship and intimacy with a sex worker. This is by mutual consent, as the sex worker is consenting with conditions. The client is consenting to those conditions for payment.
Who has the power and control? The sex worker, as it is the sex worker who lays down the conditions and has the power to agree or disagree to the requests of the client. They dictate when, where and what will happen and for how much.
Is this the same for all sex workers? Certainly yes for those that are Independent. There are sex workers who work through an Agency and the Agency would have some input into when they work, where they work and what is advertised, however at the point when the client is with the sex worker, providing she is not trafficked against her will, she/he will be the one that says what she is happy to do or not do during the booking. Yes I believe sometimes what is advertised is not always what is offered, as you often here of clients saying that the Escort would not kiss me, but it said on the services she did FK (french kissing) etc. This could be because he had bad breath, or it could be that it is something written on behalf of the Escort on offer, where she is not comfortable to do it, but she is still within her right to refuse during the book and most would when working of their own free will.
Sex workers in Brothels, do they have the same power exchange? If anything they have more. Most brothels in Ireland are not brothels as you would understand them to be, but simply two sex workers working from the same apartment for safety. The fact that there is another person on the premises means that should anything go wrong, should the client start making demands that the sex worker is not happy about, they can call for help and get the client removed from the premises. This would likely give the sex worker more confidence to state what they are not compliant with and stay within their boundaries.
With this in mind and the knowledge that the majority of Sex Workers in Ireland and Northern Ireland who work of their own free will are not just having an equal exchange of power with the client, but are holding more power, is it fair or right to suggest that they don't have any control and therefore are not able to give their consent to selling sex? Personally I find it condescending that someone would automatically assume that I have no other choices, or I must be an alcoholic or be taking drugs to be a sex worker. I don't know anyone like that, although I'm sure they may be, as there will be in many walks of life, but we are an assortment of people from all different backgrounds and have entered into sex work for lots of different reasons, which is our choice and we are more than capable of giving our full consent, as adults and we should have the right to do so, without interference or judgment by others.
Currently in the South if a sex worker is attacked or raped they are able to contact the Police and report the crime, as it is not against the law to be a sex worker or to buy sex. It might be that many do not report it, but some definitely do, as I know of a few. However, in the North of Ireland where it is now a criminal offense to report a crime it is much less likely to be reported, as we need to protect our place of work and this is likely to be where the crime would have taken place. This in itself is handing over power to people who would already be criminals and disrespecting another persons human rights and the right to say no! This also means it is harder to detect those that need help and would not be giving their consent, but forced into prostitution. This in itself takes away our power and control and it is this that will make life harder for those that otherwise had some support, even if not as it should be, as with the New Zealand law of decriminalization.
Article on Sex Workers Rights in New Zealand
It is hard to believe that people that genuinely care of the welfare of sex workers would advocate a law that takes away their control, that makes their lives harder (alleging that we are all vulnerable) and takes away or reduces the life line that many choose to use to make a better life.
Article on how the Swedish Model on Prostitution Fails
One last point. The reason why the majority of sex workers are female is not due to men wanting to control women or due to disrespect. It's because due to nature and the nature of people, women have no problem procuring sex for free, so they don't pay. Where as men often have to work hard to find a woman to have sex with him and often this is done through deception. Is it not better to be honest and pay for sexual gratification with someone who has no further expectation than to hunt down women who are emotionally vulnerable in order to engage in sex?
For every man having sex there is a woman. (Unless they are bi sexual or gay) which never seems to be an issue for anyone. It is worth remembering that women do have sex out of marriage, or with strangers too, without being Sex Workers, they are just not paying! (Although some do too). It is unfair to say that men are exploiting women, when many of them would love to get paid to do what we do, they just wouldn't make any money at it.
Food for thought!
